Today I’m writing a very personal post. I’ve held this close to my heart for a long time and today I share it in hopes that it will encourage you to know – 2 Corinthians 4: 17-18 (KJV) “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.”
The spring of 1993 was beautiful. The flowers were in bloom and the weather was mild. We were living in a small, placid, and peaceful town in Indiana. My beautiful daughter was growing up into a smart, loving, creative pre-teen. We were far from wealthy but lived comfortably. I had a job I really enjoyed at the school and the hours were conducive to raising my daughter. The church we attended was a vibrant, alive church and I had many friends.
But a freight train was barreling down the tracks headed straight for us. I never saw the season of loss coming !!!!
The first sign was just a nagging suspicion, so easy to ignore. But soon the signs became more and more apparent and not so easy to overlook. In time I learned that my husband, of almost 21 years, was having an affair. We tried (looking back maybe it was just me trying) to work it out for almost 2 years. But in the end the marriage couldn’t be put back together. He chose not to leave her and our marriage was over. My world was in shambles.
But the hits kept coming. My sweet daughter, who always was a daddies girl, turned sullen and angry. She began to hang with the wrong crowd. Sometimes she didn’t come home. My heart was in shreds. She moved away from home and began to practice things that she had been taught against as a girl. All the time I saw the pain on her face and wept. I struggled to keep an open line of love and communication between us but sometimes my sadness and her angry got in the way.
The season was icy cold, harsh, bleak – intense winter.
I thought the spring might soon try to appear but I had one more, and this maybe the hardest, season to walk through.
I though my daughter was doing a little better. She didn’t seem quite so angry. We were able to talk a little more. Then one day she came to me with a sad face and a letter in her hand. “Mom, read this,” she said, “and we can talk later.” The letter contained the idea that she wanted to live with her father. She was of age so it was her choice but the rest of what was left of my tattered world titled all out of kilter. My head knew that it was in her best interest to make amends with her dad but, I’m telling you, my heart wasn’t in the same place.
My world was frozen over.
Where was God during all this ? I know you want to ask. He was there and I’m so glad He was. I’m sure that the outcome of my season would have been very different if He hadn’t been there every step of the way. Especially after my daughter moved in with her dad and I was really alone, I leaned on Him. No, maybe that isn’t just right – I clung to Him like a sailor wraps himself around the mast in a storm. He never let me down.
Then one day I felt a little lifting of the icy cold and a pre-spring breeze fluttered by- just for a second. Then I was walking the icy lane after that and I spied a little bud pushing up through the snow. Slowly, so slowly the days grew longer and the breeze became sweeter and milder. The buds flourished into, so welcoming, spring flowers.
Today my relationship with my daughter is great. She is married to a wonderful man and smiles often. The angry is gone from her face and the ice from my heart has melted. We now live 10-15 minutes apart and I see or talk to her often. We have an alive and vibrant church here in Portland too. I’m married again to a wonderful, loving and Godly man and life is again good.
I want to sing and dance today to celebrate the changing of the seasons. The winter is past. The breezes are now warm and rich with new life. Summer has finally arrived. And we have all survived after all !!!!!
What seasons of life have you walked through? And how did you manage?